New Friends in a New Zip Code
“I don’t write your address in ink anymore; I have to
keep changing it.” remarked one of my friends when I told
her about another move our family would be making. What
can I say? I married a successful businessman who
sometimes takes risks. Nineteen moves have been exciting
but overwhelming at times. The biggest problem I’ve dealt
with is saying goodbye to old friends and finding new
friends while having to memorize another zip code. For
those who think they’re diving off the deep end or are
following one of their spouse’s crazy ideas, I offer ten
tips below to help meet people and develop new
friendships.
Get out and mingle. If you don’t emerge until 6 months
later, even the neighbors will forget they have a new
neighbor or they will think you are unfriendly.
If you’re not in a cheerful mood, just remember making
a first impression can’t be undone. Be approachable.
Tip 3: Call the Welcome Wagon Organization.
They are connected to newcomers clubs.
Those you meet at a welcome tea have probably relocated
in the last three years too and know what it’s like to
move. You will find them very hospitable. Also, the
“club” structure creates an instant social life.
Newcomers have book clubs, bridge groups and lunch bunch
groups. You will learn lots about your new town when you
go to these meetings. Call Welcome Wagon if they haven’t
contacted you.
Tip 4:
Call your old friends to connect, not
whine.
It’s important for you to talk to old friends who know
you. It gets weary to keep explaining who you are as you
meet new people. You do need to vent and good friends
have listening ears. Just don’t become a “Debbie Downer”.
Keeping your attitude positive will get you adjusted much
faster.
Try not to compare this location with the last
location. No one in your new town wants to hear how
wonderful the weather was in South Carolina during a New
England blizzard.
Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, the PTA or the grocery
store are starting points. When I lived in Charlotte,
North Carolina I found many people in our local Starbucks
and Barnes and Noble store very chatty. Churches are good
but it sometimes takes longer to connect. Just be on the
lookout for friendly people as you go through your day.
For long term, join a tennis or golf club, volunteer at
the local library or coach for the local recreation
department. Look up you college alumni group and become
involved. My sister-in-law Susan, an avid history buff,
insists by joining a local historical society you
meet lots of interesting people across the board and
learn things about your community you’d never have known.
Don’t jump into any big commitments. If you don’t have
to work right away, concentrate on finding quality
friends. You need people in your life right away so the
sooner you get started the better. This is not the time
to procrastinate. Let the adrenaline of change propel you
to seek new relationships. If you don’t start this
process early, I can guarantee you will crash and burn in
a few months.
If you sense you are connecting with someone, ask them
to join you for a cup of coffee. If they have enough
friends (and I ask you, who has enough friends in life),
just move on to the next person on you list. Life is too
short to obsess why one particular relationship didn’t
click.
Remember, it takes time to enter people’s lives.
People are busy because they haven’t been unplugged from
their life like you. Don’t feel hurt if people can’t fit
you into their schedule. Be patient. Maybe you could meet
someone for lunch if they work. There are always people
open to friendships; it just takes perseverance to seek
them out.
In all of my 19 moves, I have made friends. Some places have been easier to break into than others. I haven’t been able to keep up with all of them but I have some rich memories. At my fiftieth surprise birthday party, I looked around the room and saw friendships from several chapters of my life. That night friends and family from California, Chicago and Michigan greeted me. Many people I met through the simple routine of daily living: neighborhood, Girl Scout meetings, Bible studies and work. I went to bed that night feeling my cup had overflowed.
