Today’s post is by my dear friend PeggySue who talks about deciding to move or not to move after a marriage splits up. If you are in such circumstances or know someone else who is, please read on. Also, you may want to read PeggySue’s new book, Rediscovering Your Happily Ever After.
To Move or Not to Move
By PeggySue Wells
For newly single moms, is there value in relocating?
My friend, Denise, sold her home and purchased one that she could better maintain and afford in a nice neighborhood near the children’s schools. Her family appreciated the new address that was free from negative memories. It was fresh for creating the next chapter of their collective life.
After nine years of keeping my beautiful six-acre Indiana gentleman’s farm, I sold it when my divorce was final and relocated to a place that was allergen free for my youngest. It was time for my beloved home to fulfill someone else’s dream while we moved on to new dreams.
Initially I chose to stay during the long separation to provide a sense of security for the children while their parents’ marriage was in convulsions. By the time we moved, I was exhausted from single-handedly maintaining the lovely acreage. A lot of that was my determination to prove I could do this, and I did. But it didn’t have to be that hard. Interestingly, one of my children wanted to relocate from the beginning of the separation to leave behind poor memories and create new ones.
Creating a new beginning, or a shift in finances, are common motivations for single moms to change zip codes. Using a budget is responsible but having to constantly count pennies can be exhausting. My goal is that women create lifestyles that enable them to live joyfully without money being a dictator or source of bondage.
There is freedom in living in a budget. Knowing what I have to spend and staying in that amount allows me to put aside money, invest, and not be stressed about creditors. Going into debt, particularly with credit cards, mortgages my future and prohibits me from going and doing grand adventures today and tomorrow. A new location can provide fresh sites to explore, new organizations to join, a different menu of activities, and the opportunity to expand our circle of friendships.
Sometimes we allow ourselves to be loved. One of the most loving gestures I’ve received occurred when I moved to my new home. Two of my grown daughters and their friends traveled fifteen hours to spend three days doing for me the things I could not do myself. They installed appliances, wired lights and ceiling fans, hung curtains and mirrors, fixed garage door openers and car fuses.
Occasionally I coordinate with another mom to get projects done at each other’s homes. When our basements required organizing, Ann and I did it together. I went to her home for several hours one week and we de-cluttered her spaces. The following week she came to mine and helped me. In short order we had accomplished our projects and had a fun time doing it. I’ve done the same with ladies when we wanted to spruce up our yards. The work goes faster and is pleasant when done with a friend.
In the process of moving I traded lawn equipment I no longer used to a landscaping guy for two months of lawn mowing. I traded furniture for help sorting and packing. It was a win-win for both the giver and receiver.
An additional benefit of relocating was de-cluttering. It felt good to place canning supplies, furniture, and clothing back into circulation with someone that desired to use them.
Today as I travel to my previous neighborhood for frequent visits, a deep sadness envelops my spirit. I miss my dream home and the dear friendships that accented our lifestyle. The grown children miss coming home for the holidays. Relocation is a major decision.
When sorting possessions and making friends during transition, there is wisdom in the childhood rhyme – “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.”
PeggySue Wells is a speaker and the author of a dozen titles including The Slave Across the Street, a soon to be made for television movie, and Rediscovering Your Happily Ever After; Moving from Hopeless to Hopeful for Newly Divorced Moms. Contact her at www.PeggySueWells.com.
Rediscovering Your Happily Ever After: Moving from Hopeless to Hopeful as a Newly Divorced Mother is my new book now available through Amazon.com.